OK,
It has taking me all this time to sit and write about my last trip to Israel/Palestine. I still have not learned not to let these kinds of trips affect me in the most profound ways…Then, other things got in the way. First, I came back to a new job, and so it’s being crazy, just trying to learn and absorb new things. Then, La LUCHA, that never ends, so uno siempre está busy!
But más que nada, its being the hard reality of knowing, things in the Middle East are getting worst. My Palestinian friends continue to live in a place donde el acoso es constant, the harassment they have to experience on a daily basis, it’s just way too much for me to assimilate.
Aquí viviendo en la frontera, we complain of many things, we have our own luchas, and we try to engage in the struggle for social justice. But; y los demás qué? Nos olvidamos,(or we just don’t know it yet) that now, más que nunca, with globalization we are so inter-related with the rest of the world. Y lo que pasa on the other side of the world, affect us here, and what happens here, les afecta allá …
In between my job as a delegation leader, I had time para visitar compas, dear friends that I know and met since the very first time I went to the holy land. Y parece que things are apparently getting better, I got to Jerusalem, y veo, miles de turistas, and think, this has change a lot since la ultima vez that I was here, business looks good, I walk the vía crucis, que me pone la piel chinita, the emotions of walking the same vía dolorosa that Jesus did is just demasiado, too much to experience, and this time, remembering my own pain, because of las ultimas cosas que han pasado en mi vida, I feel so much closer to my own identity as a spiritual being, es curioso, but somehow the pain is keeping my senses more alert than ever. I felt “different” not sure why, the pain of the last months has taken so much of my energy, its being very difficult, yet al mismo tiempo, I feel more empower, and in charge of my life. There is a level of grow happening en mi interior, el conocimiento, all of a sudden is filling my soul, and I am experiencing new things, not sure what that means, pero es importante, it’s an important part of my healing process. And being in that part of the world at this moment in my life was important, I think God me andaba queriendo decir algo, but I was so busy in my own world, entregada en una relación for 25years that was a thing of beauty, pero entregada for long ten years a una persona que no era mi destino, to someone that didn’t treated me with respect, and who though I was not worthy of his love. I will always love him, pero estoy entendiendo, that that is not enough, the levels of commitment were not the same, and this makes me realized that I have being living in my own frontera, not only physically, divided by a line between my two homes, but also divided in spirit, and when I sat in front of my dear Palestinian friends, Saddiyya and Jamal, Atta and Roddina, entiendo that relationships are both ways, is commitment, is ENTREGA incondicional... Perhaps that is why my friends are able to tolerate all the injustices and the harassme
nt they live in, porque se tienen one another, and I think could it be that this is the formula for peace; how can one preach about justice and peace and be the defender of human rights, when in your more intimate relations, you don’t respect one another, perhaps that is why we live en el mundo que vivimos, porque we say one thing but we do the opposite. If the leaders of our nations will commit to each other, unconditionally, with respect, with no privileges, maybe they could find ways for world peace, será que esta es la fórmula? I don’t know, maybe no one knows, but for now, I continue to live In my own frontera, with a broken spirit, but not defeated, sadden by la traición, el rechazo y la humillación, but walking with my head up, with dignity, the man that I love was not able to valorar la entrega; esa que solo we woman know how to do, never the less, I continue to pray for healing both ways, he will always be in my heart, but I know we are now going separate ways, and with pain, I accept it, and send blessings his way each and every day.
I wish one day, our brothers and sisters from Israel and Palestine, could do the same, they have lived in peace before, and people still remember that, if only they can reach out to one another, I think some good things can happen.
International Peace Day is coming up soon, so let’s promote love, understanding, tolerance, solidarity and respect. These things little by little will bring some peace, at least inner peace, and that is a good start, I think…
